Do you talk to people or about people?
“Stop the gossip by reminding yourself to “talk to people, not about people.”
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Do you talk to people or about people?
I recall many years ago being part of a group of young teenage girls that bullied a fellow boarding school pupil. We had named her ‘funky chicken’ and delighted in gossiping about her on anything related to chickens. Feather brained, beaky, chicken feet, in a flap…. The subject matter was an endless delight for us. Until one day she turned around and asked “what have I done to you that makes you treat me so badly?”. In an instant the bullying stopped. I still feel the shame of my behaviour decades later. But the gift of this shame is an awareness of how harmful group behaviour can be if left unchecked.
In a business this happens when cliques develop and groups of individuals gain pleasure from bad mouthing colleagues, leadership or even clients. Typically in ‘speaking behind their backs’ they create a ‘them and us’ scenario using language that differs from the way they would speak to the person themselves. They get pleasure from the gossip while avoiding the responsibility of mature conversations with the person or people to resolve the challenges they are describing.
Conflict arises when people talk about each other, rather than to each other and the adult solution is to resolve problems by meeting face to face and raising the issue in an honest and open manner, taking responsibility for our own actions.
If unchecked, gossip can become a festering wound in an organisation, and transformation often starts with you. As a leader do you lead by example or are you also guilty of gossip? Do you talk about colleagues behind their back or do you bring problems, opinions or concerns to their attention in a mature, adult manner.
I use a simple reminder for this which is to “talk to people, not about people”. We can all do with this reminder at times.
