Those of you who have participated in my transformation workshops will know that we cannot truly lead others until we can lead ourselves.  

This self-mastery is more than just managing tasks or time. It is more than learning how to unleash our charisma or balance our highs and lows. It begins with knowing who we are, our talents, our ambitions, and the ways we connect with others. Beneath this outer, visible layer lies another deeper reality: the subconscious patterns shaped by our childhood experiences and perhaps even our generational wounding.  

In South Africa, many people carry these invisible scars. A childhood without a father figure. Being sent away from one’s mother at an early age. Growing up with violence or silence. These experiences don’t just disappear because we learn to cope with them; they surface in adulthood as bursts of anger, withdrawal, addiction, or other harmful behaviour.  

As leaders, we cannot ignore how this inner reality affects the way we show up in the world. We have a responsibility to act with balance, maturity, and care. That means developing the courage to look inward, to understand our hidden wounds, and to reshape them. This is the work of self-mastery. 

Books like Healing from the Mother Wound by Puseletso Modimogale, and other research into generational wounding can open powerful windows of understanding. Training tools such as Positive Intelligence also provide practical steps to uncover and manage the subconscious saboteurs that derail us. 

Leadership, in the sometimes tough world we operate in, begins with kindness to ourselves as we take steps to acknowledge what shaped us, and find ways to heal what hurts us, so that we can show up with humility and courage for the people we serve.  

This week, let’s be mindful of the way we relate to others and have a look at our past to understand how our subconscious saboteurs impact the way we show up.